


Castaways

by moldymilk



Series: Evan, Connor, Jared, and the vines wrapped around their ankles [1]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alcohol, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Drugs, Hospitals, M/M, Making Out, Multi, Polyamory, Pudding, Rehab, Sibling Bonding, Soulmate AU, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Suicide Attempt, Tree Bros, Trees, blink 182 (half mentioned), jared d o e s n t like connor at all, jared may be an ass but he has feelings okay, shitty parenting, theres a lot of suicide in here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-15
Updated: 2017-06-19
Packaged: 2018-11-01 06:56:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 15,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10916664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moldymilk/pseuds/moldymilk
Summary: On everyone's 18th birthday, a mark appears on their skin. Their soulmate receives the same mark at the same time.  Evan accidentally prevents Connor's suicide.





	1. Last Ride In

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first soulmate au but im a hoe for these

Connor looked down at his shoes. Today was the first day of senior year, and he was wondering _what happened_. The kids he knew back in kindergarten hated him, and despite the feeling being mutual, he wished he had never thrown that printer. He wished he could be one of the normal kids, one without a reputation, much less one like his. At least there was a chance he could meet his soulmate this year. 

 

While Connor was getting lost in his thoughts, a voice called out to him. 

 

"I'm loving the hair, Murphy. It's very school-shooter chic." Connor glared at the shorter boy, Jared Klienman. 

 

"It was a joke, man." 

 

"Oh, I'm laughing. Can't you tell?" There was a pause, before the taller of the two boys snapped. "Am I not laughing hard enough for you?"  

 

"Whatever, freak." Jared promptly left, revealing another boy behind him, who was laughing just a little bit. 

 

"You think I'm a freak, don't you." Connor didn't mean that as a question. 

 

"N-no, I-" 

 

"Because I'm not the freak, you're the fucking freak!" Connor ran away, leaving the unknown boy to deal with the scene he made.  

 

Two hours later, he saw the boy in the computer lab. Connor walked up to him calmly, trying not to snap again. He had probably traumatized the other boy enough.  

 

"Hey." The shorter boy looked up, then jumped when he realized it was Connor. 

 

"H-hey. I don't t-think you're a f-freak, just so you know." 

 

"I know. I came to apologize. Um, sorry for causing a scene," the other boy relaxed a little bit, "What's your name? I never caught it." 

 

"E-evan. Hansen." 

 

"I'm Connor Murphy." Connor noticed something on the printer, so he grabbed it. He didn't read it, because he may be an ass at sometimes, but he doesn't impose on other people's privacy. He's not a total dick. "I believe this is yours."   
 

"T-thanks, Connor." Evan shoved the paper in his pocket. "S-sorry for laughing at Jared's j-joke. I just got n-nervous and I d-didn't know what to do" 

 

"It's fine, Evan. Where are you going next?" 

 

"H-history."   
 

"Cool. I'll walk you there." 

 

"W-wouldn't that make you late for your next class?"   
 

"I was planning on skipping anyways." 

 

"C-can I come with? I-it's fine I-if you don't w-want me to." 

 

"Fuck yeah, man. Let's go to my car." The two of them walked to Connor's car, which he had finally convinced his parents to let him have back, silently. On the outside, it looked like Connor was ready to kill someone. On the inside, he was smiling because he was so happy that he found someone who didn't quite think he was a freak. Someone who asked to hang out with him.  

 

Evan surprisingly didn't ask where Connor was going. It was mostly because Evan was new to the thrill of skipping, but he wanted to go all in for his first time. So that meant letting a boy who yelled at him publicly take him somewhere he didn't know. Alone. In his mind, he was freaking the fuck out, but he kept going. Adrenaline can do that to a person.  Connor's car pulled into a target parking lot half an hour later.  

 

"Connor, I don't m-mean to be rude, but why are we at target?" 

 

"People will question if we're supposed to be in school if we go anywhere else. Here, no one really cares. You can just get lost in the isles, ponder if it's worth buying seventy dollars of not gluten free pasta just to piss off your mom, ponder life's meaning, and eventually buy the seventy dollars of pasta." Evan just stared at him.  

 

"Okay, let's go." The two boys got out of Connor's car and walked in.  

 

Time passed at school and Jared wondered where the fuck Evan could be. He hadn't shown up since he went to the library. Jared checked all the bathrooms and closets, but no luck. Eventually, he asked someone. 

 

"Where's Evan Hansen."   
 

"I saw him leave with Connor Murphy earlier." Scared that Connor was going to kill Evan as revenge for the joke Jared made earlier, he raced off to find Zoe. 

 

"Where the fuck is your brother?" 

 

   
"Do I know you?" 

 

"I'm Jared but that doesn't matter right now because he left with my friend" 

 

"What was your friend's name?" 

 

"Evan Hansen." Zoe looked alarmed. 

 

"Fuck. I say check target, unless he's trying to murder Evan. I'll talk with him later." 

 

"Thanks, Zoe." 

 

"Anytime." 

 

Evan was just enjoying his time at target, buying a shit load of those cheap plants from the dollar section. He and Connor were approaching the registers when he saw Jared walk in. He turned around, praying that Jared wouldn't notice him, and continued making small talk with Connor.  

 

"Shit, Connor, I j-just realized I don't h-have my wallet." 

 

"Don't worry, Evan. My parents are rich. I can pay." 

 

"T-thanks. I can p-pay you back." 

 

"Eh, it's fine. You only have like twelve dollars worth of things, Evan." Evan looked at the cart and realized that that was true. But he still felt a little guilty. Connor paid for their things, then Jared noticed them and ran over. 

 

"Evan Hansen what the fuck." 

 

"Jared Klienman. What the fuck are you doing here?" Connor answered Jared's question, but also didn't. 

 

"I wasn't talking to you, freak." 

 

"I _was_ talking to you, asshole." 

 

"I came here to find Evan. Your sister said I could find you here." 

 

"God. Thanks, Klienman, you earned me another lecture for 'abducting a kid'." 

 

"Anytime, freak. Maybe you should let me talk to Evan before you earn yourself another one." 

 

"Fuck you." With that, Connor started loading the bags into his car, and Jared turned back to Evan. 

 

"Why are you hanging out with him?" 

 

"Why d-do you care?" 

 

"Car insurance, Evan. If you get killed my parents won't pay for my car insurance. So why were you hanging out with him?" 

 

"I-I'm not answering that question." Evan climbed back into Connor's car and the pair drove off, leaving Jared alone in the target parking lot. 

 

 

While driving, Connor began to wonder. What would his soulmark look like? How long would he have to wait before he got his soulmark? Was his soulmate older than him, would he get one before his 18th birthday? Would he even have a soulmate? Probably not, but he could dream. Would his soulmate like him? Too many questions for an almost 18 year old. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another target chapter. wow !

There were only two weeks left until Connor's birthday and Evan was scrambling to get him a gift. He had no idea what to do, so he texted Zoe. 

 

**[Zoe Murphy]**  

_Hey Zo_ _e_  

**Hey Evan**  

_What should I get Connor for his birthday_  

**Probably food or nail polish or something like that. I'll ask him.**  

 

While Evan was nervously awaiting her response, he began to wonder about his soulmark. Would it appear before his 18th birthday? Would it be a dick? He didn't really have anyone to base his fantasies off of, and he really didn't want to have a dick tattooed on him for the rest of his life. 

 

**[Zoe Murphy]**  

 

**H** **e said to get some hair stuff**  

_O_ _kay so like hair ties and stuff ? I'm clueless when it comes to these things_  

**I'll help you get a few things for him. Can I pick you up in ten?**  

_Y_ _eah thanks Zoe._  

 

Evan felt himself asking "why?" To many things in his life then. Why did he care so much about Connor? Why did Zoe hate Connor that much? Why did his dad leave? Why was he so fucked up? Why did Zoe care about him?  

 

Even before Zoe's car pulled up, the boy was waiting outside. When she finally pulled up, Evan wasted no time climbing into her car.  

 

"Hey Evan." 

 

"Hey Zoe." 

 

They were both silent for the rest of the car ride. There was really nothing to say between them. The only thing on Evan's mind was the possibility that Zoe could be his soulmate. It would be weird to say anything, though. That would be creepy.  

 

It took too long, but they arrived at target. Zoe dragged him off to the hair section, and Evan thought he saw Connor. When they got to the hair section, Zoe immediately started pointed out choices.  

 

"Do you think he would want the hair ties, the clips, a brush or- Evan, are you listening?" It was clear to Evan then that he _did_ see Connor by the face masks.  

 

"Zoe I saw Connor. We need to go so he doesn't see us." 

 

"Oh. OH. Okay, follow me." Grabbing Evan's hand, she lead him to the fucking bra section, of all places. 

 

"Zoe. Why are we here?" 

 

"Connor hates the bra section." 

 

"So do I." 

 

"You can go back out there if you want, but I can't. Why don't you go act like you're buying some chips or or something?" 

 

"I don't have any money" Zoe pressed a crumpled twenty into his hand, before gently pushing him out of the bras. 

 

Evan wandered over to the chips. Then he ran into Connor. 

 

"Hey, Evan, what are you doing here?" 

 

"Chips. I wanted to get some chips. Because I'm hungry, and this is something completely normal people do when they're hungry. They buy chips. Yup." 

 

"Calm down Hansen. What kind of chips do you want?" 

 

"Um, doritos." It was the first thing on Evan's mind. He didn't actually like doritos at all, they were just the only chip that he could think of. 

 

"Cool. I can buy them for you, if you want." 

   
"Yeah. That would be nice." The two of them walked over to the registers, where Connor paid and asked Evan if he wanted to hang out just then. Evan accepted, then texted Zoe. 

 

**[Zoe Murphy]**  

_Connor and I are leaving to go hang out. Get the hair ties and some black nail polish. I can pay you back later. Thanks._  

**O** **k. Don’t do anything stupid.**  

 

Zoe darted back to the hair section and grabbed the things while Connor and Evan walked out to his car. 

 

"Hey Evan, how did you even get here?" 

 

"O-oh um, my m-mom drove me and dropped m-me off." 

 

"Cool. Where do you want to go?" 

 

"I-I don't know." 

 

"Why not that one orchard. You know, the one that closed down a few years ago?" 

 

"I-isn't that illegal? It's c-closed down. W-wouldn't that be t-trespassing?"  

 

"Everything's legal if you don't get caught." 

 

"T-that's not how the law w-works, Connor." 

 

"Okay, but my offer still stands. Do you want to go to the orchard or not?" 

 

"Let's g-go." 

 

So the two boys were off to the orchard, which was about an hour drive away. Neither of them talked, they just thought. About soulmates. 

 

Connor didn't think he would have a soulmate. He gave up just after his thirteenth birthday. He didn't even think he could have a girlfriend. Boyfriend, actually. It took him fifteen years to realize he was gay, and he still hadn't told anyone.  Not even Zoe. After all, there wasn't that much time left before he could meet his soulmate, and they could be a girl. 

 

Evan had imagined his soulmate many times before. When he was a child, she looked like his crush. When his dad left, she became faceless and empty, just like him. Then, in sophmore year, he met Zoe Murphy, and his imaginary soulmate became Zoe. His fantasies had been fading, though. She was being replaced by someone else, someone who he couldn't quite figure out who it was.  

 

Connor left the car to pry the gate open. Evan waited, then Connor got back into the car and they entered the orchard. The two boys stayed there for hours, sitting in a low tree and talking. 

 

"W-what do you think your s-soulmate is going to look like?" 

 

"I'm going to be completely honest, Hansen, I don't think I'll have a soulmate." 

 

"Why w-would you s-say that?" 

 

"Have you seen me? My unsaid superlative is future school shooter." 

 

"Your b-birthday is in t-two weeks. Y-you can find out then, at l-least. I h-have to w-wait until March." 

 

"Damn, Evan. You know you might not have to. But what about you? What do you think about your soulmate?" 

 

"I-I used to imagine her as my crushes. Now I just don't know." 

 

"It's almost five. Does your mom want you back for dinner?" 

 

"Y-yeah, I think s-so. Y-you can c-come too, I-if you want. S-she might n-not be h-home." 

 

"You need to calm down. I'll come over."   
 

"T-thanks." 

 

It turns out that Evan's mom wasn't home, so they ordered some chinese food and just hung out. It was fun, to pretend they were just normal kids, destined for greatness. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> check out my tumblr @moldymilk


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was gonna go to a party but i didnt so heres a chapter + FUCKING TARGET AGAIN

It's October 1st, just two days away from Connor's birthday, and it's stressing him out. A lot. He had semi-unintentionally avoiding Evan in the halls, and only responding to half of his texts. Larry, his dad, had been putting pressure on him to start looking for his soulmate as soon as possible. Connor hated himself for it, and he hoped it took him longer than a year to find his soulmate. 

 

"C-Connor." Connor ignored Evan, partly because he was lost in his thoughts and partly because he just didn't want to talk to Evan, and kept walking. 

 

"C-Connor. Connor Murphy." To Connor's delight, Evan walked away after that, after putting something in his hand. When Connor was alone, he opened the note. 

 

_"Dear Connor Murphy,_  

_Why have you been ignoring me? I miss you. Zoe says you've been getting high a lot more than normal."_  

 

The boy snorted. Of course Zoe would notice and tell someone. Of course she told the closest thing he had to a friend that he was an asshole who only got enjoyment from being high. But then, he smiled. Evan was the type of person to write letters to people, in this modern day and age, and to indent his paragraphs. He kept reading. 

 

" _I'm worried about you. You've talked about not having a soulmate before and I guess that the prospect of finding out is making you stressed. But I'm here for you. I'm your friend, Connor._  

 

_Please stop ignoring me. I'm getting sadder every day._  

 

 

_Sincerely, Me."_  

 

Fuck. That was cute. Connor shoved the letter in his pocket, then went to class, for one. During class, instead of paying attention, he wrote a letter to Evan. 

 

" _Dear Evan Hansen_  

 

_I agree. We've been way too out of touch. My dad's been riding my ass about my soulmate, trying to get me out there to 'meet her and have some kids'. That's why I've been smoking more. I don't think this is going to stop without help, though. Dad's going to keep pestering me about finding 'her' and it's going to keep making me stressed, therefore I smoke again. It's a never ending cycle._  

 

_I would recommend not asking Zoe about my problems again, because she's watching them from the outside. The fucking breadwinner of the family doesn't know what's going on in the inside. It's fucking hard._  

 

_Thanks for saying we're friends, at least. It helps. I'm sorry for ignoring you, and for making you sad._  

 

_Sincerely, me."_  

 

Connor finished the letter just as class ended, freeing him to walk out to his car. So he did, waiting outside for a minute. He was just about to get in his car when he felt a tap on his shoulder. 

 

"Evan!" 

 

"Hi, Conno-" He was interrupted by the one and only Asshole, Jared Klienman. "Well if it isn't Evan with the freak. Again." Connor lightly shoved Evan out of the way and stepped just a little bit closer to Jared. 

 

"Listen, Klienman, I don't know what the fuck your problem is, but you need to leave me the fuck alone." 

 

"Unlikely, when you're doing my family friend." Evan turned red. 

 

"Did you just imply I'm fucking someone because they actually talk to me?" 

 

"So maybe I did. Big deal. There's evidence, you know." Connor raised his eyebrow. 

 

"What fucking evidence?" 

 

"The letter. You know, the one Evan wrote you. I was there when he wrote it." The other boy just stared at Jared. "You know, 'dear Connor Murphy' and all that shit." 

 

"What the fuck?" 

 

"I have to leave. Bye, Evan." Jared turned and jogged off, presumably to his car. Connor turned back to Evan. 

 

"Did you fucking write it with him?" 

 

"W-what? I-I didn't w-write it with him. I-it was just m-me. I s-swea-" 

 

"So this is just another one of those 'trick the freak into thinking he has friends' schemes. God, Evan, I thought you were different." 

 

"I-it wasn't l-like tha-" 

 

"Fuck you, Evan Hansen. Don't fucking talk to me again." Connor got in his car and drove off, failing to notice the letter he wrote fell out of his pocket.  

 

nstead of paying attention, he wrote a letter to Evan. 

 

" _Dear Evan Hansen_  

 

_I agree. We've been way too out of touch. My dad's been riding my ass about my soulmate, trying to get me out there to 'meet her and have some kids'. That's why I've been smoking more. I don't think this is going to stop without help, though. Dad's going to keep pestering me about finding 'her' and it's going to keep making me stressed, therefore I smoke again. It's a never ending cycle._  

 

_I would recommend not asking Zoe about my problems again, because she's watching them from the outside. The fucking breadwinner of the family doesn't know what's going on in the inside. It's fucking hard._  

 

_Thanks for saying we're friends, at least. It helps. I'm sorry for ignoring you, and for making you sad._  

 

_Sincerely, me."_  

 

Evan stared at the words infront of him, still shocked by what had just happened. If Jared hadn't shown up, Connor would've given the letter to him, and they could've hung out, but no. Jared had to ruin everything for him. He felt as if something had happened between Jared and Connor, once upon a time.  

 

Something had actually happened. Before middle school, Jared and Connor were actually friends. Jared just didn't show it in school, because, well, he didn't want to be bullied over it. He and Connor got in a huge fight about it, resulting in a fist fight on the playground. The only time the spoke after that was Jared's constant insults.  

 

Connor didn't want to go home in a fit, so he went to the orchard instead. Or at least he planned to. He saw a car by the gate and decided to go to target instead. 

 

Two hundred dollars ,  some random items from the dollar section, and three hours later, Connor snuck in through his window and promptly fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> check out my tumblr @moldymilk


	4. Chapter 4

Connor stared at the mark on his skin. He had expected it to be _little_ , like his parents said it would be, but it covered almost the entirety of his ankle. Connor and his soulmate were stuck with matching giant fucking vines twisting around their ankles and down to their feet. When he went downstairs, he ignored his parent's requests to see it, and left for school. Maybe, if he didn't show them, they wouldn't think he had one.  

 

Evan ran his fingers over his ankle. Was it a coincidence that his soulmate tattoo appeared on October 3rd, Connor's birthday? He really hoped so. The two boys hadn't talked since Connor's blow up at Evan outside his car, when Evan found the note Connor dropped. Evan pulled on the longest pair of socks he owned and went to school.  

 

"Hey, freak," Jared taunted Connor, "'You receive a soulmark today? Or do you not have one." 

   
"Fuck off, Kleinman. Why do you care so much? Did you get yours today?" 

 

"No." 

 

"Then leave me the fuck alone." Connor stormed off, leaving Jared in his wake, with Evan unknowingly behind him. 

 

"J-Jared I n-need to t-talk to you about s-something" 

 

"Yeah, shoot." 

 

"C-can we maybe ditch a class o-or two?" 

 

"I never thought I would hear you say that. Only if you give me a good reason." 

 

"I g-got my s-soulmark today." Jared paled, then agreed. 

 

The two of them ended up in an orchard, the same one that Evan and Connor broke into a few days prior.  

 

"So, Hansen, show me your mark." Evan reluctantly took off his sock, exposing the vine twisting around his ankle.  

 

"D-don’t tell anyone, Jared. I haven't e-even told my m-mom." 

 

"Yeah, sure, whatever. I won't tell anyone you might be soulmates with the freak." 

 

"In ever said I was soulmates with Connor. Also don't call him that. He's not a freak." 

 

"I'm so proud of you for saying a sentence without st- is that a car? I thought you said no one comes here." 

 

"No one does come here. Connor took me here  before you ruined our friendship." 

 

"I was just trying to protect you from the inevitable." 

 

"Holy shit, that's Connor's car." 

 

"The almighty Evan Hansen who doesn't swear just swore because he saw Connor 'the freak' Murphy." Evan glared at him. 

 

"Shut up, Jared. I-if he sees us, he might g-get mad."  

 

"Ugh, fine." The two slunk back, farther into the tree. 

 

Connor "the freak" Murphy slammed his car door, not caring if anyone heard, not that anyone would. He was alone out here, and he could do what he needed to do. It would be a few days before anyone found him. He started climbing the tallest tree he could find. One foot, slip a little bit, then the other. He climbed from one branch to the next, clumsily, not caring if he fell. That was his plan, anyway. It had been for months.  

 

The first day that Connor and Evan skipped together, he had originally planned to kill himself. To crash his car into a ditch and throw himself off a bridge. To sneak back in and slit his wrists in the bathtub. To overdose in the school bathroom. However he did it, he didn't care, as long as the end results were the same.  

 

So Connor kept climbing, higher and higher, until he was at least forty feet high. If he landed just right, he could do it. If not, then he would lay there until he died. Or he would just dry swallow the abundance of pills he had in his pocket. He stared down at the ground, willing himself to take just one step forward, to let go of the branch he was holding onto. To _die_. Then he heard a voice. 

 

"CONNOR!" He looked around, before realizing it was Evan, somewhere in a tree. Or on the ground. He couldn't tell, nor did he care. He stopped searching, only for Evan to call out again. 

 

"CONNOR! I KNOW YOU'RE HERE. WHERE ARE YOU?" He couldn't bring himself to not yell back. Connor couldn't do that to Evan, he just felt morally obligated to respond. Freaky, just like him. 

 

"IT DOESN'T MATTER, EVAN. I WON'T BE HERE FOR LONG." 

 

"I THINK I CAN SEE YOU." 

 

"THAT'S NICE, BUT MAYBE I DON'T WANT YOU TO." He heard another voice, which Evan replied to. They were closer than he thought.  

 

"C'mon, Evan, let's just go." 

 

"No, Jared. You can go if you want, but I'm staying." 

 

"Whatever. Stay with the freak." Fuck, it was Jared Klienman. The infamous asshole Jared Klienman. He watched as Jared walked away, but stepped behind a tree, not too far away. Way to be a dick, Klienman. 

 

"CONNOR! WE NEED TO TALK" 

 

"ABOUT WHAT, HANSEN. JARED BASICALLY SAID EVERYTHING I NEEDED TO HEAR." 

 

"CONNOR, PLEASE! JUST COME DOWN!" 

 

"NO, EVAN." 

 

"FINE! WE CAN TALK LIKE THIS." 

 

"OKAY WITH ME." Connor watched as Evan took his sock off, exposing the vine curling around his ankle. The vine that matched Connor's. Now, it was clear why he felt the need to respond to Evan. Why he felt so good about being nice to him. Why he felt the need to apologize in the computer lab. It's because Evan is his _soulmate_. He was Evan's soulmate. They were destined to be together. 

 

"DO YOU HAVE ONE TOO?" Connor didn't respond. He just stood there in shock. 

 

"CONNOR MURPHY. DO YOU HAVE ONE TOO?" Connor nodded. 

 

"I THINK WE'RE SOULMATES, CON." A fucking nickname on top of hearing it from someone else's lips was too much. Connor let go. He hit a shit ton of branches on his way down. Then he hit the ground and everything went black. 

 

"JARED!" Evan yelled, despite thinking Jared had left. But, to his surprise, Jared stepped out from behind a tree. 

 

"Finally, you realize that he's a- Jesus fucking Christ, Hansen, what happened?" Evan was desperately clutching the unconscious Connor, who was bleeding in quite a few places, and his hand was at a weird angle.  

 

"H-he fell. O-or j-jumped. H-help, Jared." 

 

"I'm gonna call the cops." 

 

"D-don't. W-we're t-trespassing. W-we could go t-to j-jail." 

 

"Fuck, um, okay, let's get him in my car." So the two boys hauled Connor over to Jared's car, putting him in the backseat, and Evan insisted on staying back there with him on the way to the hospital. When they got to the hospital, they were questioned about what happened. Jared and Evan came up with as many answers as they could, leaving out everything illegal. 

 

"Evan? What are you doing here? I thought you had school today." It was Evan's mom, Heidi. "Jared too? Are you guys okay?" 

 

"I-I met my soulmate, M-mom. He t-tried to kill h-himself s-so w-we brought him here." 

 

"Oh, honey." Evan was thankful Heidi didn't pry further. He only wanted to wait in silence until Connor woke up. Eventually, Jared left. Then the nurse came out. 

 

"Are you Connor's-" 

 

"Soulmate. His family doesn't k-know yet" 

 

"Okay, Mr. Hansen. Connor broke his wrist and hit his head pretty hard. He could be in a coma for the next few days, he might not make it, or he could wake up in about an hour. We don't know." Tears began to form in Evan's eyes. He just figured out who his soulmate was, and he could already lose him. "He'll probably be okay. We're going to keep him in the hospital for a few days after he wakes up, just in case he tries again."  

 

"Can I see him?" 

 

"Yes, follow me." Evan and the nurse walked into Connor's room, and the tears in Evan's eyes fell as he saw his soulmate broken in the bed. Connor looked so much smaller than when Evan had first seen him in the halls. His long brown hair was a mess around his head, a little dried blood in one chunk. There was a scrape along his cheek with the scab already formed. His arm was in a cast, like Evan's was before. The worst part was the machines. There were so many tubes in his arms, hooking him up to his IVs and the  heart rate monitor. Evan hated it. He hated seeing Connor like this. He just wanted to hold him until he woke up, but he wasn't allowed to touch him much. Evan asked the nurse for a few moments of privacy. 

 

Sitting in the chair by Connor's bedside, the tears only fell harder. Evan gripped the hand Connor didn't break, and only cried harder. This was his _soulmate_ , for fuck's sake.  

 

"Listen, Connor, if you can hear me. I-I didn't mean the things Jared said to you. I didn't want you to jump, or fall, or whatever you did to get out of the tree. I'm sorry I didn't talk to you sooner. I saw you nod when I asked if you had the vine around your ankle so I just assumed we were soulmates. I feel like we are, too. It's like I c-can feel you in there, trying to get out. _Please_ , Connor. Hang on, wake up, then we can be happy. I'll get Jared to stop calling you a freak. I'll do _anything_. Just wake up. I-" This wasn't stuttering, for one. It was hesitation. "I love you."  

 

Evan could've sworn he felt Connor shift, even it it was just a little bit. All of a sudden, nurses were flooding into his room, and Evan was moved out into the hallway, his eyes still wet with tears. Heidi was out there, so he immediately ran to her. 

 

"M-Mom, what's happening? I-is he g-going to b-be okay?" 

 

"From what I've heard, honey, he's going to be fine. Great. He's waking up." Evan let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. He was so relieved. He rushed back into the room, once all the nurses were out, and threw himself back into the chair. Connor stared at him.  

 

"Evan." 

 

"C-Connor." 

 

"I'm sorry. I was going to jump anyway, but I saw you, and hesitated, and then when you showed me your ankle, I panicked. And I half jumped, and half fell. Thanks for bringing me here. And for not letting my parents be the first faces I see when I wake up. Or Zoe, for that matter. Thanks for saving me, and, just for the record, I love you too." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> check out my tumblr @moldymilk


	5. Chapter 5

"Why haven't you told your parents yet? You've been here for at least twelve hours," Evan questioned, sitting on the edge of Connor's hospital bed.  

 

"I have my reasons. Besides, I'm legally an adult now. I'm still on their insurance and everything, they just don't need to know until I'm out." 

 

"Connor, um, you know you're going to have to stay here for the next few days, right?" 

 

"Oh. Right. Fuck. It's just...." 

 

"Connor. Why don't you want to see your parents." 

 

"Fuck. You know you're not stuttering as much as you normally do, right?" 

 

"I didn't, but quit trying to change the subject. We're _soulmates_. You can tell me."  

 

"I guess we're not exactly on good terms. We got in a fight, the day before my birthday. Something about me needing to 'smoke less' and 'be more nice'. Then, they acted like everything was fine on my birthday." 

 

"It's more than that, Con. I can tell." 

 

"We haven't gone a week without fighting since I was in eighth grade. It's tiring. My dad doesn't think I need help because 'it's all just a phase.' My mom thinks I could get some help, but she won't stand up to my dad. So I turned to other coping mechanisms, like weed. That didn't help at all." Evan grabbed Connor's hand, continuing to let Connor rant. 

 

"Before I started smoking, Zoe and I were close. I mean closer than your average siblings close. Basically inseparable. Then one day, I came home high, and she threatened to tell Larry and Cynthia. I got really mad at her and threatened to kill her, and that was basically thirteen years of our relationship down the drain. She only really talks to me to tell me about how much of a failure I am. I miss her, Evan, I fucking miss her." 

 

"Okay. Are you feeling better enough to call them?" Connor smiled a bit. 

 

"Yeah. Just don't tell them that we're soulmates yet. I'm not ready." Evan nodded. 

 

"Do you want to call them, or should I?" 

 

"I'll do it." Evan handed him his phone, and the Connor called his parents. 

 

"Hi, yeah, I need you guys to come to the hospital. No, I'm not visiting, yes, I'm a patient, it's not because I'm high, I've been here for quite a bit." There was a pause, during which the light faded from his eyes. "NO IT'S NOT FUCKING FOR ATTENTION." Another pause. Tears began to form in Connor's eyes, and just a few in Evan's. "DON'T BOTHER COMING THEN. FUCK YOU, TOO." He abruptly hung up the phone, which he handed back to Evan. 

 

"They're not coming today, at least." 

 

"I-I'm sorry, Con." Connor smiled a little bit. 

 

"You gave me a nickname. That's cute, Hansen." Just then, the nurse came in. The two boys convinced her to set up a cot for Evan because they were soulmates. She gave Connor some sedatives. So while Connor slept peacefully, Evan layed awake, wondering, yet also freaking out because he was in the hospital with Connor, who he still hadn't told about the letters. He would just deal with that tomorrow. 

 

Evan awoke to a man's voice outside the room. Connor woke up too, and recognized the voice as his dad. He went from cute and sleepy to hard and tired in less than a second. It was painful for Evan, so he said something. 

 

"Do you want him to be in here? Do you want anyone in your family to be in here?" 

 

"Fucking shit, Hansen, I just woke up, so I'm gonna say fuck no. Can you just go out there and tell him to fuck off?" 

 

"Yeah. Sure. What if Zoe and your mom are there?" 

 

"I don't fucking know. Tell my mom to fuck off. Zoe too, I guess." So Evan left and went outside. Zoe wasn't there, just Connor's parents. 

 

"H-hey Mr. And Mrs. Murphy. Connor doesn't w-want any visitors right n-now." 

 

"So he wants to see you, but not his family?" Larry Murphy spat out. He was intimidating, and Evan didn't really know how to handle the situation, so he just nodded. Larry swore under his breath, then barged past Evan and into the room. 

 

Luckily for Connor, the nurse gave him another dose of sedatives, so he was asleep by the time Larry entered the room. But that left Larry to turn back to Evan. 

 

"Who even are you? Why are you with my son?" 

 

"I'm Evan. Hansen. I'm friends with your son. I was there when he.." Evan trailed off, not wanting to finish and tell Larry that his son jumped out of a tree. 

 

"My son what?" 

 

"Hejumpedoutofatree"  Larry stepped closer. 

 

"He _what_?" 

 

"He jumped out of a tree, okay?" 

 

"God! He said he wasn't in here because he wanted attention again," Evan was horrified to discover that Connor had done something like his before, "He needs to stop. He's fi-" 

 

"NO, Mr. Murphy, he's not fine. He threw himself out of a tree! I was there. It wasn't for attention. None of this is for attention! It was never for attention, never will be! He needs _help_. Not you yelling at him." 

 

"And who would you be to criticize the way I treat my son? I've never seen you in my life." 

 

"I'm his _soulmate_. He probably would've told you if you weren't fighting with him all the time! To think that you saw your son struggling with life, with functioning like a normal person, and you didn't do _anything._ You didn't take him to treatment, or even to get diagnosed. You did _nothing_. Which is what you will be saying to him now. Leave now, before security makes you." Both Evan and Larry stood dumbfounded at Evan's newfound confidence. Larry stumbled away, and then Evan turned to what he thought would be a sleeping Connor, but was actually a stunned Connor. 

 

"Dude. Holy _shit_." Connor laughed. 

 

"I'm sorry I shouldn't've told him we're soulmates I can leave now if you want." 

 

"It's fine. I'll deal with that later. But _holy shit_. That's the most speechless I've seen him get in years." 

 

"Um, thanks?" 

 

"Honestly, I'm speechless too. I didn't think you had it in you." Connor just kept laughing, and Evan kept getting redder. 

 

"Can we maybe talk about something else?" 

 

"Sure, we can talk about how fucking amazing you are later." Evan turned redder, which he didn't think was possible.   

 

"Do you want me to get you anything? Like from the cafeteria? You haven't eaten breakfast yet." 

 

"Yeah sure." 

 

"What do you want?" 

 

"Surprise me," Connor said, with a smile. When Evan returned with one of those mini boxes of cereal, Connor was asleep again. Evan gently set the cereal on the table, then just stared at Connor. In a not creepy way. He had never really thought about it before, but Connor was _beautiful_. Evan loved how Connor's hair just seemed to fall effortlessly on his shoulders, how his eyes crinkled when he smiled, _Evan loved everything about Connor._  It must be one of those "I just discovered you're my soulmate and you just got 1000 times more beautiful" scenarios. 

 

An hour later, Evan was gently stroking Connor's hair when he woke up.  

 

"Evan." 

 

"Connor." 

 

"Why are you stroking my hair?" 

 

"Because it's soft. And it gives me something to fiddle with." 

 

"Ok. I'm confused on this while soulmate thing, though. Are we emotionally connected now? Do we just feel safer around each other? You were probably be the first person I've talked with about soulmates." 

 

"I think we are just a little emotionally connected. When I saw your dad, I got mad. Like really mad. Like that was the most emotion I've experienced in my entire life just by looking at someone. And I do feel safer around you. My anxiety _hasn't_  been as bad around you." Connor relaxed and moved his head onto Evan's shoulder. 

 

"Connor, I need to tell you something." 

 

"Shoot." 

 

"When we got into the fight by the car and you stormed off, you dropped your letter. The one to me. I read it. I guess you don't have to worry about Larry pressuring you to find me anymore." 

 

"One problem down, an infinity to go." 

 

"I can help, you know." 

 

"Let's keep the meddling down to a minumum until I'm out of the hospital, okay?" 

 

"Okay. I probably need to leave soon, but I'll come back tomorrow. I swear." 

 

"Oh. I'll miss you. Bye, Evan." 

 

"Bye, Con." 

 

The next twenty four hours without Evan were pure shit for Connor. Between only the nurses talking to him, not Evan, and the fact that he could feel what Evan was feeling made him only more desolate. He could feel Evan's anxiety through the school day, seemingly spiking between classes, making him pick off all of the nail polish left on his fingers. He didn't have much to do except wander the hospital halls when the nurses let him.  

 

Evan worried about Connor throughout the entire school day. Would he get mad at him for not visiting soon enough? Evan could almost feel him, assuring that everything would be fine. For most of the day, he was a little annoyed and bored, snapping at Jared once. He talked to Zoe at lunch.   
   
"Zoe. Have you visited Connor yet?" 

 

"Um, yeah." 

 

"When?" 

 

"Yesterday? Around lunch time." 

 

"No, you weren't there. I was there all day. You need to talk to your brother, Zoe." 

 

"Why do you care so much about him? Name one good thing he's done for you." 

 

"He bought me plants from the dollar section at target. I'll answer your first question if you come visit him with me after school." 

 

"Why should I?" 

 

"Because he still cares, Zoe. He cares a lot. Connor wants to repair your relationship, but he can't if you won't let him." 

 

"Fine. I'll come. But if this is some elaborate prank, I'm going to kick your ass." 

 

So after school, Evan showed up in Connor's hospital room. With Zoe, to Connor's surprise. Evan leaned over and whispered "I'll sneak you some nail polish if you talk to her about your feelings," then left, leaving just Connor and Zoe. 

 

"Connor." 

 

"Zoe. I'm sorry." 

 

"I'm sorry too." 

   
"I shouldn't've started smoking." 

 

"I should've tried to help you instead of shutting you out." 

 

"I shouldn't've threatened to kill you" 

 

"I shouldn't've told people you were crazy." 

 

"Can we fix our relationship?" 

 

"It might be slow, but yeah." The two tried to hug for the first time in _years,_  but because of Connor's soreness, they settled for an awkward high five instead. Once Evan came back in, Zoe left. 

 

"You said to keep the meddling down to a low, so I only meddled once." 

 

"Thanks, Evan. Fuck, I still need to think of a nickname for you." Evan put a bottle of black nail polish on the table, kissed Connor on the cheek, and left. Connor sat there, stunned at how fast Evan was getting comfortable around him. Connor was bribed by him, for fuck's sake. But they were both happy. The only downside is that Connor would return to Hell, otherwise known as school, next week, inevitably facing the consequences of jumping out of a tree infront of Jared Klienman, the class loudmouth. 


	6. Chapter 6

Rehab. Connor's parents were going to send him to fucking _rehab._ It wasn't like he had that much of a drug problem, just a little weed here and there, and he had tried thousands of times to convince them that therapy was enough.  

 

It was now three weeks after he jumped out of a tree, and he had never talked with Evan about their relationship. Were they dating? Just friends? Was Evan planning a wedding? If Connor knew, he would probably be more nervous about being shipped away to another state. The rehab facility, called "Lakewood Treatment Center for Adolescents", was only a state away, but it would feel like a thousand miles from his friends, family, and _Evan_. 

 

Since Connor only had a week before he went away, he was riddled with anxiety. Another question popped into his mind: Was it Evan's anxiety from school or _his_? Connor didn't have to bother with school anymore, even though he was supposed to be back today, as it was the school policy. "Our school will only offer a twenty day suicide leave" Connor mimicked, not realizing he said it aloud. Of course, his barely audible mumbling caused Cynthia to pop her head into his room. 

 

"Did you say something honey?" 

   
"Nope." 

 

"Are you looking at the treatment facility's-" Connor hated it when they called it a 'treatment facility'. It was fucking rehab. Treatment facility made it sound like he was just fixing a broken bone or two. "-website, Connor? It'll help you a little bit with the adjustments." The boy looked at the laptop that he had tossed aside when he got bored, with the website still up. 

 

"Yeah, sure." 

 

"So then you can tell me what treatment options there are." 

 

"Yoga, sharing circles, I don't fucking know. Frankly, I don't care either." 

 

"Would you rather be thrust into this without any preparation?"   
 

"Actually, I would." 

   
"Fine. Be that way. Act like that towards your _family_ , the ones who are trying to put you in a nice treatment facility." 

 

"IT'S NOT A FUCKING TREATMENT FACILITY," Connor roared, not caring about anything anymore. His phone buzzed, but he kept yelling, "IT'S FUCKING REHAB. YOU KNOW, FOR MY DRUG PROBLEM, OR THE ONE YOU GUYS THINK I HAVE. AND ONE LAST THING, I PROBABLY WOULDN'T HAVE STARTED SMOKING IF YOU GUYS WOULD'VE GOTTEN ME HELP FOR WHAT'S GOING ON UP HERE" He jabbed a finger into his skull, not caring about how much it hurt. "WHY WOULD YOU EVEN SEND ME THAT FAR AWAY, _MOM_? ARE YOU THAT ASHAMED OF ME?" Cynthia didn't do anything, just stood there in silence at her son's words. Each one of them stung like venom, or twisted like a knife in her gut.  

 

"Connor, honey, it's not rehab for drugs. It's for your depression. And drugs, a little bit. It's rated one of the best treatment facilities in the state. I'm not ashamed of you." This time, it was Connor's turn to stand speechless. He didn't even make an attempt at words, just grabbed his phone and keys, then walked straight out of the door. 

 

When he finally looked at his phone, he realized that school would be out in twenty minutes, and that he had a text from Evan, then typed out his response. 

 

 ** _FROM: EVAN_**  

Hey I just got really mad ??? You okay con ??? 

 

 ** _TO: EVAN_**  

Yeah im fine tis over. Ill pick you up from school. We need to discuss a few things. 

 

Connor didn't mean to spike Evan's anxiety. He didn't think, once again. So he waited in the parking lot until Evan found him, with Evan's anxiety ringing every warning bell in his head. Finally, Evan slid into Connor's car. 

 

"What do we need to talk about? And why weren't you at school today?" 

 

"That's what we need to talk about. I won't be at school for at least until next semester." Evan put a hand on Connor's shoulder, but Connor just stayed staring forward blankly. 

 

"Why, Con?"  

 

"Let's go for a drive. You know, even though I've been sitting here for over twenty minutes, I still haven't figured out how to tell you this yet." Connor's mind was racing. He didn't want to tell Evan. Not yet. Not until he had gone away. So the pair sat in silence as Connor recklessly drove around town, looking for the right place.  

 

Eventually, Evan fell asleep in the passenger's seat. Then, out of nowhere, Connor slammed into a fence.  

 

"C-Connor?" 

 

"Yeah" 

 

"You okay?" 

 

"What matters is are _you_  okay? It doesn't matter if I'm fucking okay." Evan glanced over and noticed Connor's nose was bruised and bleeding, as his head slammed against the steering wheel when they crashed. Connor slouched with his head resting on the wheel, not caring enough to stop the bleeding.  

 

"Connor." He didn't respond, so Evan tried again. " _Connor_." 

 

" _What,_ Evan. What do you want me to say?" 

 

"I-I don't know." Connor laughed. "I want you to tell me what's going on." 

 

"Why do you _care_ , Hansen? When did I start meaning something for you?" Connor realized that he was hurting Evan emotionally, because he could feel it, but  he didn't really care. It's not like he would be seeing much of Evan for the next few weeks.  

 

"I started caring about you after we first skipped together. I care about you because we're soulmates. Just calm down, Connor. We can talk through this."  

 

"How nice of you to mention you care about me because the universe decided to fucking morally obligate you to." 

   
"Connor, we need to get hel-" Evan was cut off by Connor laughing. It wasn't a genuine happy laugh, but more of a 'I'm pissed as hell and you just said something that pissed me off even more, so good job' laughs. Which meant whatever Connor was going to say next was going to hurt like a _bitch_  emotionally.  

 

"I know, Evan. I know you need help, and that I need help. But _maybe_ , I don't want help. Maybe, it doesn't matter to me that I almost wrecked my car. MAYBE I JUST DON'T FUCKING CARE, HANSEN. MAYBE I JUST WANT TO DISAPPEAR." Connor opened his door, went outside, and started looking at the engine. When he determined that it was fine, he got back in and angrily shut the door behind him. 

 

"Con, can we tal-" 

 

"Don't fucking 'Con' me. I'm driving you home, and that's it. Then I'm leaving." 

 

"Just answer one question." 

 

"Depends on the question." 

 

"Are you going to kill yourself?" Connor laughed once again, and Evan continued. "Please don't, Connor. I ca-" Connor interrupted Evan for what felt like the thousandth time. "I'm not going to fucking kill myself again. Now please shut the fuck up so I can focus on driving." 

 

The car ride to Evan's house was just a little over the speed limit, but otherwise peaceful. Connor carefully drove into Evan's driveway, not caring to notice the blood that was now dripping down his chin, soaking his shirt.  

 

"Connor, come inside with me. My mom's not home. I'm not going to make you talk about your feelings or anything, I just want to clean your nose up. My mom's a nurse, you know that, and she's taught me a few things." Connor only sat there for a moment or two, just considering. 

 

"Fine." Connor begrudgingly followed Evan inside, then into the bathroom, where Evan pulled out things Connor couldn't identify. 

 

"I- um, you should probably take your shirt off and get a clean one. I can lend you one." 

 

"Yeah, thanks." Connor smiled, but this time it was a genuine one. One of the many things about Connor that made Evan melt. Evan left, then returned with a shirt five minutes later. 

 

"Sorry if it doesn’t fit. It's the biggest shirt I own." 

 

"No, it's fine, but shouldn't we stop the bleeding before I change shirts?" 

 

"Oh, right, sorry. Yeah, um, can you just sit on the edge of the tub? I'm going to need to touch your face. Sorry if that's weird." 

 

"Number one, stop apologizing. Number two, okay." Connor sat down, and Evan started dabbing at his face.  

 

"Damn." 

 

"I think that's the most vulgar word I've ever heard you say, Evan." 

 

"Fuck. Shit. Bitch. Ass." Both of them were grinning wildly. 

 

"Oh, you poor, sweet, springtime child. What have I done to you? How could I have corrupted you so?" 

 

"Well, you haven't gotten me high yet" 

 

"Yet. There's still time. Also, were you just listing all the swears you know?" 

 

"Kinda, yeah. Now sit still. I'm still trying to stop the blood." Eventually, Connor ended up with two tissues shoved up his nostrils, and some ice on his nose.  

 

"I'm sorry for yelling at you in the car." 

 

"It's fine. I pushed you and I shouldn't ha-" 

 

"I ran my car into a fence, Ev. It's not your fault. I should tell you." 

 

"You don't have to if you don't want to." 

 

"My parents are sending me to rehab." 

 

"That's good, right? I mean, they're getting you help." 

 

"No, Evan. It's not good. It's in another fucking state! Until at least the end of the semester. That means I can't see you or- Jesus fucking Christ. I probably won't be able to talk to you for a _month_." He ran his hand through his hair. "I'm sorry, Ev." 

 

"Don't be. You're getting help. It's for the greater good." 

 

"You're the greatest good I'm ever gonna get, Hansen." Evan smiled. "Hey, um, can I stay the night? I don't want to spend my last few nights here without you." 

 

"Anytime. Do you need clothes?" 

 

"I think I would enjoy some pants. Unless you'd prefer me without them" Connor winked, causing Evan to blush.  

 

It was mostly quiet from then on, with Connor half forcing Evan to put on a horror movie and Evan nervously cuddling into Connor's side. There was a knock at the door, so Connor paused the movie, just as someone was being cut open. 

 

"Nice pause time, Con." 

 

"Do you want me to get the door?" 

 

"I should get it because it's my house" 

 

"I'll stand near just in case it's a murderer, coming to filet you."  

 

"Thanks, Con" 

 

The two boys  stood up, with Evan walking to the door, and Connor walking to the kitchen, so he could "grab a knife to protect Evan from whatever horrors the outside world could conjour". When Evan answered the door, he did not expect what he saw. 

 

It was Jared Klienman, standing on his porch with two beers he probably stole from his parents.    
 

"Hey, Evan, my good buddy pal, can I come in?" 

 

"Why are you here?" 

 

"To apologize. I'm sorry for you know, being a dick. In general." 

 

"I'll let you in, if you go and get one more beer." 

 

"Is that because someone's over here? Who's car is in your driveway, Evan? Is it your boyf- OH MY GOD EVAN YOU NEED TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE" Alas, there it was, the perfect moment for Connor fucking Murphy to walk into Jared's field of vision, holding a knife.


	7. Chapter 7

"Calm the fuck down, Klienman. It's a butter knife for fuck's sake." 

 

"THAT DOESN'T HELP THE CURRENT SITUATION, MURPHY." Jared was still staring at Connor in shock, not moving from Evan's doorstep.  

 

"Jared. It's a joke." 

 

"I AM PANICKING EVAN. WOULDN'T YOU, IF YOU SAW THE SCHOOL SHOOTER" Evan could feel Connor tense up, despite being a good fifteen feet away. "WAVING A KNIFE BEHIND ME?"  

 

There was a long pause, where Evan could feel Connor getting angrier by the minute. Evan moved aside to let Jared in.  

 

"So when's the freak going to leave?" Evan knew he made a mistake when Connor cut him off. 

 

"Jare-" "No. I'm fucking leaving now. Are you fucking happy, Klienman?" Connor's words were dripping with ice, and Evan was feeling more and more guilty by the minute.  

 

"Connor, don't leave." 

 

"Why shouldn't I? Jared obviously doesn't want me here." 

 

"We crashed your car into a fence today, we got in a fight, you almost broke your nose, and you're still here. You're really going to leave because of Jared?" Connor stood there for a minute, just thinking. 

 

"I'll let you two have your moment. I'm going on a walk, I'll be back sometime. I don't know, just leave the door unlocked." Connor grabbed his jacket and left, leaving Jared alone with an irritated Evan. 

 

Jared didn’t say anything, just opened one of the beers and started drinking.  

 

"Hey um Evan, I'm going to get some more alcohol." 

 

"Have fun." Evan took on the same tone Connor did earlier.  

 

Since Evan was alone, his anxiety started wandering. Where was Connor? Was he okay? When would Jared be back? Were Jared and Connor going to fight more? What had Evan done wrong? What was he going to do wrong? His phone buzzed with a text from Connor. 

 

**_FROM: CONNOR_**  

 

Hey I just got really anxious and im guessing its either bc of jared or me so im coming back in ten 

 

**_TO: CONNOR_**  

 

Ok thanks 

 

Evan waited, and five minutes later, Jared showed up. 

 

"Jared. Hi. Can you maybe not, you know, call my soulmate a freak?" 

   
"Yeah, sure, whatever. I brought some more beer and some wine, too. Hey, want to watch fucking doctor who or some shit?" 

 

"Connor and I were actually watching something when you came." 

 

"Oh, it's always about Connor with you. You're always putting him before me. When was the last time we had a conversation that didn't pertain to Connor fucking MURPHY! GOD, WHAT IS IT WITH YOU AND THE FUCKING MURPHYS." 

 

"MAYBE I DON'T WANT TO HURT HIM LIKE YOU'VE HURT ME. MAYBE, _FAMILY FRIEND_ , I DON'T WANT TO TREAT HIM LIKE SHIT. AND HEY, IF WE'RE JUST FAMILY FRIENDS, WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE? WHY DO YOU CARE, JARED?"  

 

"Fine, then maybe I'll leave." Connor took this as an opportunity to step in. 

 

"Jared, no. I'm high and I can't deal with the tension. You guys are going to stay here and make up and it'll be all fairy shit and sparkles and shit." Jared and Evan stared at Connor, then at each other. "You guys, this is some good weed. I'll give you some if you make up." Connor locked the door behind him, then flopped on the couch. 

 

"Connor, you got high?" Evan was concerned. 

 

"Yeah, Mom. And, for the record, you should too. It's fun." 

 

"But you're going to rehab in a week!"  

 

"Not for drugs. Now go hug Klienman." Connor gently nudged Evan towards Jared, where the two had an awkward 'what the hell is happening' glace.  

 

"Uh, Evan, I should apologize for being a dick." Connor watched intently as Jared began to pace a little bit. "I'm sorry for being rude to your soulmate." 

 

"I'm sorry for yelling, earlier." 

 

"I'm sorry for saying we were only family friends" 

 

"I'm sorry for saying you didn't care."  

 

"I'm sorry for all the gay jokes." 

 

"Are we friends again?" 

 

"Yeah." 

 

"Good job you guys, you earned yourselves some weed. If you want." Evan looked a little anxious, but Jared was really into it. 

 

"Give me the good kush, Connor." 

 

"I won't if you call it the good kush." 

 

"Ugh, fine." Connor passed a lit joint to Jared, who tried to take a hit, but ended up coughing. 

 

"That was, um, nice, but I'll stick to my alcoholism for now." Connor giggled, which made Evan happy. 

 

"What about you, Evan? You wanna get a little high?" 

 

"Um, uh," Evan stood there, considering. His anxiety was screaming at him that his mom would come home to find him stoned and drunk, freak out, call the cops, and he would end up in jail for the rest of his life. "Fuck it, I'll do it."  

 

- 

 

Evan couldn't remember anything from the previous night. He knew he was late for school and his mom wasn't home, plus Connor was passed out on the couch next to him. He tried to stand up, only for his foot to find Jared's face.Fortunately, Jared didn't wake up.  

 

It took Evan fifteen minutes to realize that his raging headache was a hangover. He decided against going to school, so he texted his mom, then called the office, letting them know that Jared and Connor were going to be 'sick', too.  

 

Eventually, Evan found his way back to the couch, where Connor was barely waking up.  

 

"Connor." 

 

"Evan." 

 

"Are you hungover?" 

 

"Nope. I didn't drink last night." 

 

"Do you remember what happened?" 

 

"Little bits and pieces, because I was stoned as fuck last night. You got really fucking stoned from like three hits, Jared chickened out after one, and the two of you got really drunk." 

 

"Okay. I called the school and told them that none of us would be coming." 

 

"Nice." 

 

"Can I sleep on your chest?" By the time Connor's brain registered what Evan had said, the shorter boy was already asleep, on Connor's chest. 

 

- 

 

"You guys are the gayest fucking thing I've ever seen." 

 

"Shut the fuck up Jared." Evan woke up when Connor threw a pillow at Jared. Blinking, he realized it was probably mid day. 

 

"Con, how long have I been out?" 

 

"It's noon, so like three hours."  

 

"Hey gays, I'm gonna go home so my mom doesn't freak the fuck out. Have fun homoing."  

 

So Evan and Connor were alone, laying on the couch, half cuddling. 

 

"Con, we need to talk." 

 

"Shhh. I only got three hours of sleep." 

 

"Fine. But when you wake up, we're having a talk." 

 

"Ugh, now I won't be able to sleep. What do we need to talk about?" 

 

"You, you know, going away. Rehab." 

 

"And I'm going back to sleep, goodnight Evan." 

 

"No. I will slap you." 

 

"Damn, Hansen. I really did corrupt you." 

 

"Don't avoid it, Murphy" 

 

"Avoid what?" Connor grinned down at Evan, who moved his hand to Connor's breast. 

 

"I will give you a titty twister Connor I swear to God." 

 

"Try me." 

 

"When are you leaving again?" 

 

"Six day- shit. You got me." 

 

"Okay, where is it?" 

 

"Fucking Ohio." 

 

"Is there any way we can keep in touch?" 

 

"I don't know. I might be able to sneak my phone in, but I don't want to shove it up my ass." 

 

"Oh. Okay." 

 

"What's your email, just in case?" 

 

"I'll write it down." Evan scribbled his email down on a post it note, then handed it to Connor. 

 

"Dude. Your email was fucking e.hanny23? How the fuck? Why the fuck?" Evan blushed. 

 

"I made it in fifth grade! Shut up, Conny." Now, it was Connor's turn to blush. 

 

"Can we just watch a movie now?"  

 

"Yeah. I'm gonna go make some popcorn." 

 

"Popcorn? For breakfast?" 

 

"Yeah" 

 

"Are you insane?" 

 

"Not as insane as you." 

 

"You're right. I want extra butter." 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a sincerely three fic now !!! also sorry for not updating ive been busy with the end of school and that shit

_"Dear Evan Hansen:_  

 

 _What's up fucker?"_   Connor groaned. It was hard, not being able to talk to Evan in person. He didn't even get computer privileges until yesterday, and he was still working on talking the administrators into letting him have his phone, but he didn't exactly know how to begin his emails to Evan. Erasing his previous writing, he started over. 

 

" _Dear Evan Hansen,_  

 

 _Life in rehab is alright. Yoga's cool, sharing circles are okay, all that cliché shit. I miss you. A fuck ton. But I'm getting better. I just don't connect with the other people here. I'm even starting to miss Jared. Come save me from this hellhole._  

 

 _Sincerely,_  

 _Me."_ Connor hit send before he could convince himself not to, before realizing he never signed his name. Evan would figure it out, probably. He was smart.  

 

__________________________________ 

 

Evan stared at his computer screen. The email, which had come from "Weed Bong", wasn't signed with a name, only with "Sincerely, Me.", just like his letters to himself. That could mean only one thing: Connor. However, Evan's revelation didn't soothe his anxiety from getting a half-anonymous email, so he called Jared. 

 

Fifteen minutes later, Jared joined Evan on his couch, staring at Evan's screen as well. 

 

"Dude I'm sure that's either from Connor or another stoner who just happens to know your name." 

 

"Y-yeah, but what if it's not him and I respond to some other random guy?" 

 

"Life is short. Do you want to leave maybe-Connor on read?" 

 

"No?" 

 

"Then give me the computer." 

 

"Fine." Evan handed Jared his laptop, then watched nervously as Jared typed out a response. 

 

" _Dear Random Stoner Fuck or Connor – the only difference is the random part"_ "Jared NO!" Evan yelled, before going back to watching Jared redo the email. 

 

" _Dear Connor Murphy,_  

 

 _This is Jared. Hmu @_ [_theinsanelycooljaredklienman_ _@yahoo.com_](mailto:theinsanelycooljaredklienman@yahoo.com) _. Evan says he misses you too. Get out of rehab you stoner fuck."_  

 

Jared hit send before Evan could protest, which he did.  

 

 _"_ Jared, you just called my soulmate a stoner fuck." 

 

"I'm well aware of what I just did." 

 

"Ineedtoemailhimagainsohedoesnthateme" 

 

"Calm down, Evan." 

 

"I need to email him." Jared passed the computer back to Evan. 

 

" _Dear Connor Murphy,_  

 

 _I'm sorry about Jared. I miss you too, but I'm also glad you're getting better. I can't exactly sneak you out, but I can visit, maybe next week? Can you send me the visiting hours? Thanks._  

 

 _Sincerely, Me."_  

 

_____   
 

Connor was a little surprised to find not one, but two new emails in his inbox. He opened the one that was sent first, only to be a little disgusted, then typed a new email to the asshole himself. 

 

" _Dear Jared Klienman,_  

 

 _What the fuck._  

 

 _Sincerely, Me._ " 

 

Next, he opened the one that was actually from Evan. It was cute. He asked a nurse about the visiting hours, then responded to Evan. 

 

" _Dear Evan Hansen,_  

 

 _It's noon to six on weekdays, six to six on saturdays, none on sundays. And are you sure you can't smuggle me out? All you need to do is wear a really big shirt or bring a really big backpack._  

 

 _Sincerely, Me."_  

 

Realizing it was almost 12:00, Connor logged out in a hurry and went to the bathroom, because he was really not in the mood for his one class of the day. He couldn't fake sick again, since he had supposedly 'overcome his illness' so he could use the computer. They wouldn't take stress as an excuse because he had only gone to one class, so he hid. He wished he had his car. Or a joint. But, this was rehab, and no marijuana was allowed in rehab.  

 

Sliding into one of the stalls and locking the door behind him, Connor dramatically let out a sigh and slid down the wall. He wished he had something to do, except stare at his 360 degree view of slate gray tile. Eventually, he fell asleep.  

 

"Class will begin shortly for group 3b. I repeat, class will begin shortly for group 3b," Crackled over the loudspeaker, waking Connor up. He groaned, partly because of how uncomfortable the tile was and partly because he thought of the consequences. He sat there for a minute, debating whether to go to class or stay in his stall, until something caught his eye.  

 

It was a loose tile on the wall, one that could be pried off easily with one's hands. So Connor made a deal with himself that if there was something in there, he would go to class, and if there wasn't, he would stay put; not thinking that there would be anything in there. 

 

To Connor's surprise, there was a small journal. He opened it, and in the cover, there was an inscription, reading " _To whomever finds this journal, if anyone does: I'm_ _gone. You can read this. And please, don't let the nurses see it._ "  

 

The boy put the journal back and went to class, deciding that it would be a later problem. His current problem was getting into class without getting noticed, which was pretty much impossible.  

 

_____ 

 

Back in school, Evan was still realizing the extent of how much he missed Connor. He had – well, used to have – biology with Connor, but without him, he was alone. That was even more of a problem considering that it got out that Connor and Evan were soulmates, _and_ that Connor was in rehab. 

 

"Hey. You. Evan Hansen." Great. Evan was interrupted on his way to biology by Dan Harris, arguably one of the worst kids to meet when you were alone in a hallway, so Evan didn't respond. 

 

"Evan Hansen. Can you not hear me calling your name? Are you fucking deaf?" 

 

"I c-can hear you, I j-just don't want to respond." Dan laughed. 

 

"Why the stutter? Not so tough without your _boyfriend_ to save you, huh?" Evan opened his mouth to respond, but he was cut off by Dan's hand connecting with his eye. It hurt like hell, but for some reason he didn't run. He didn't fight back. He just waited for it to happen again, which it did, this time knocking him to the ground. Evan still didn't try to get away, he just waited for Dan to stop.  

 

Five punches, ten kicks, and one warning bell later, Evan was left alone, bruised and bloodied, lying on the hallway floor. He knew he wouldn't be able to go to class, so he picked up his things and dragged himself into the bathroom. 

 

Luckily for him, biology was the second to last class of the day, followed by free period. Plus, he ran into Jared in the bathroom, which filled him with concern. 

 

"Dude, you like shit. What happened?"   
 

"Can we just skip? Like the rest of the day? My face hurts like a bitch." 

 

"Yeah, sure, but I'm coming home with you. To make sure you're okay and all that, but this period ends in five minutes. Go wait in the car while I get my stuff." Jared handed Evan his car keys, leaving Evan to just walk out of school alone.  

 

Eventually, the two boys were at Evan's house and Jared was cleaning up Evan's face. 

 

"So what did happen?" 

 

"Dan Harris." 

 

"Fuck, that asshole." Evan just sat in silence and let Jared clean up his face.  

 

"Evan, can I see your soulmark again?" 

 

"Um, sure?" Evan took off his sock, exposing the vines that were twisting around his ankle. Jared stared at it like it was the most important thing on the planet. His eyes went wide, and he suddenly stood up. 

 

"I um, I have to go. I'll see you tomorrow. Or whenever I see you." With that, Jared was gone, leaving Evan alone. 

 

The next day, Jared wasn't at school. He wasn't at school the following day either, so Evan went to his house. Jared opened the door almost immediatey, surprisingly not sick.  

 

"Oh, hey Evan." 

 

"Why haven't you been at school?" 

 

"Reasons?" 

 

"Don't lie to me, Jared." 

 

"Fine. Just come upstairs with me." Evan followed Jared to his room, where Jared flopped on the bed and Evan sat awkwardly in a chair. 

 

"So um, I probably should've told you this a while ago." Evan looked up from the floor. "But, um, why don't you just look at my ankle. That would be a lot easier than telling you." 

 

"I don't want to take off your sock for you, Jared." Jared groaned, and took off his sock. Evan stared at the expanse of vines that wrapped around his ankle, identical to his and Connor's. 

 

"It appeared on October 3rd, the same day as yours. I don't know what it means, but the three of us have matching tattoos, this whole situation is fucked." 

 

"We should do some research." 

 

"Yeah." 

 

"And you're coming with me to visit Connor this Saturday."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on tumblr @ moldymilk


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can i write a chapter without angst ?? spoiler alert: fucking no

To Connor's disgust, Evan arrived at fucking 6:45 in the morning, which meant he was tired as fuck. He stumbled into the lobby while still half asleep, shocked to see Jared and Evan sitting together. His brain couldn't quite process why Jared was there, much less why Evan was nudging Jared awake. 

 

"Hey, Evan. Hey, asshole." Jared blinked awake. 

 

"That's no way to address your s-" "Jared," Evan cut in, "Hey Connor, can we take a tour?" 

 

"Yeah, Hot Topic, show us the looney bin." 

 

"Fuck you, Klienman." 

 

Connor grabbed Evan's hand, who grabbed Jared's, and led them away. 

 

"Um, Con, why are we in your bedroom?" 

 

"Because it's not even seven yet and I want to sleep." Jared turned and whispered something in his ear. 

 

"Connor before you go to sleep we need to tell you something." 

 

"Spill." 

 

"Jared is also our soulmate." 

 

"I'm sorry _what_?" 

 

"Jared, well, he has our tattoo."   
 

"So are all of us soulmates? Is this some weird orgy? Let me see his tattoo." Jared showed Connor his ankle, to which Connor responded to by flopping on his bed.  

 

"We did some research and it turns out it's possible, just really rare." 

 

"Ok, cool. When are you guys leaving?" 

 

"When visiting hours are done, Murphy. Evan insisted on staying and I'm not leaving one of my soulmates here." 

 

"But you're leaving the other one. Speaking of which, Evan, did you bring a big enough bag?" 

 

"Well, no?" 

 

"Damn. They don't let you skip class here. Math is incredibly boring, did you know that?" 

 

"Yes, Con, I do know, because I actually attend class." Connor groaned. 

 

"Connor, since you live here, can you show me where the bathroom is?" Jared asked Connor, who then dramatically slid out of bed and stood up, before nudging Jared out of the room. Once they were alone, Jared turned back to Connor. 

   
"We need to talk." 

 

"About what, Klienman?" 

 

"We're soulmates." 

 

"And? What's in the past is in the past, it's _forgotten."_  

 

"It's still really confusing, Murphy! I didn't exactly think _you_ would be this calm." 

   
"Is that a fucking personal attack? Because we may be soulmates, but I still have feelings. I'm not fucking dumb." 

 

"We should go back. Evan is probably missing us." 

 

"Shit, you're right. Good thing it was completely my idea to leave him alone in an unfamiliar place!" Connor spat at Jared, who looked surprisingly calm. The shorter boy only turned and walked back to Connor's room.  

 

When Connor and Jared made it back into the room, Connor was seething, which was alarming to Evan. 

 

"Hey, let's go to the front desk. If I can prove to them that we're soulmates, they'll consider letting me have my phone." Connor grabbed both of their hands, dragged them down the hall, to the elevator, then to the front desk. 

 

"Yeah um these are my soulmates and it helps me to hear their voices so can I have my phone?" 

 

"Sorry sir, we're going to need some proof." Connor turned back to Jared and Evan. 

   
"ALRIGHT BOYS, LET'S TAKE OFF OUR SOCKS" Evan blushed, but still removed his sock, while Jared wasn't bothered. The receptionist walked around the desk, saw their matching ankle tattoos, then went back to sitting behind her desk. 

 

"I'll talk to your parents."    
 

"C'mon guys, let's go back to my room. I need a nap." 

 

"But, Con, it's only 7:30!" 

 

"Shhhh. Time is an illusion. You can choose to sleep or not, but there might be room on my bed for the three of us." Jared decided now was a good time to cut in. "There is not enough room for us in your bed. We can just move some blankets and pillows to the floor. It'll be fun." 

 

The three of them did pull all of the blankets and pillows off of Connor's bed, and when that wasn't enough, Connor robbed one of the hall closets. The previous arguments had been forgotten, only to be replaced by memories of Evan and Jared using Connor as a pillow. It was peaceful, and for the first time in what felt like years, all three of them were happy.  

   
Jared and Evan were half-forced out of the facility when visiting hours ended, to Connor's disappointment. He was going to miss them, but he and Jared needed to talk about many things. After half an hour of playing checkers with one of the nurses, he gave up and excused himself to the bathroom. While in the bathroom, he noticed the loose wall tile and was reminded of the journal. Connor dug the journal out, and flipped it open, this time to the first page.  

 

" _October 17, 1938"_ Damn, it was older than Connor thought it was. " _My name is Ezra Dean. I'm 17 years old. I was placed here because my father caught me kissing another man. Apparently, me enjoying the romantic company of other men is deemed 'morally wrong', or it means I'm 'sick in the head.' I hate it here. I've overheard the nurses discussing shock_ _therapy with my father and mother. At least my 18_ _th_ _birthday is in two weeks so I can find out who my_ _soulmate is, or if I even have one. Maybe, if my soulmate is another man, I can prove that homosexuality is a natural occurrence. There is still hope."_  

 

Reminding himself to look up how old the facility was, Connor put the journal back in its place, then calmly walked back to his room, but not before swiping an information pamphlet from the front desk. 

 

"What do you think you're doing, young man?" 

 

"Um, have my parents gotten back to you on my phone yet?" 

 

"We haven't notified them yet." 

 

"Then do it, dammit!" 

 

"We tried, but we only reached their voicemails." 

 

"Okay. Remind me, what are their names?" 

 

"Sir, do you really not remember your parents' names?" 

 

"Oh, I do, but I want to know if _you_ do." 

 

"You had better watch your mouth, young man, or else we won't call your parents." 

   
"Can I call them?" 

   
"Why would I let you do that?" 

 

"You wouldn't exactly like the board to find out you unnecessarily lied to one of the patients, would you? Especially after said patient showed you physical proof that was needed to accomplish said thing." The receptionist sighed and handed Connor the phone. "Oh yeah, and I'm gonna make a few more calls." 

 

- 

 

Jared had just gotten up to go to the bathroom when his phone started ringing, and it half scared Evan shitless. Should he pick it up? Would Jared get mad? Why was a random number calling him? But surprisingly, Evan's curiosity got the best of his anxiety and he picked up. 

 

"Jared!" It was Connor, and he was laughing. "You will never guess what I just did. I just fuckin' conned the receptionist into letting me call a few people. She fucking didn't call my parents!" He laughed again. "I never thought going to rehab would be where I first blackmailed someone. There's a reason Evan calls m-" Evan interrupted him. "Wait a minute- You blackmailed someone!?" Connor laughed nervously. "Damn, Klienman, you're not down with blackmail?" "I'm, um, I'm not Jared." Connor laughed nervously, again. "Shit. Evan? I never blackmailed anything. I mean anyone. I was never here. Tell Jared I'll call him soon. Once I get my phone."    
   
Jared came out of the bathroom at that exact moment. 

 

"Evan, is that my phone? Who are you talking to?" Evan turned bright red. "It's Connor."  

   
"No shit, man. It is?" 

   
"Yeah. Apparently he blackmailed someone." 

   
"Holy fuck!" Connor cut back in. "Shit, Ev, I gotta go. It's two minutes until lights out. Tell Jared I miss you guys. Bye." He hung up abruptly, not giving Evan or Jared a chance to say goodbye. Evan turned back to Jared. 

 

"I'msorryIpickedupyourphoneit'sjustyouwereinthebathroomandIpanickedan-" "Evan. It's fine. It was our _soulmate_. Can I- um, is physical contact okay?" When Evan managed to squeak out a yes, Jared wrapped his arms around the other boy. They stayed like that for a long time and it was peaceful, but both of them felt like they were missing someone. 

- 

Back in rehab, Connor was still laying awake, despite lights out being almost two hours ago. He felt like he was missing out on something, something important, something that he shouldn't be missing out on. He hated himself because he should be there for his soulmates. He should be with them, not sitting alone some fucking version of an asylum. Why was he so broken? Why couldn't he be normal? He had _blackmailed_  somebody today, for fuck's sake. Why couldn't he be a normal kid? Connor didn't sleep for the rest of the night. He just cried. 

- 

"Evan." The boy was awoken by Jared whispering in his ear. "Evan. Are you up?" 

   
"I am now, what is it?" Neither of them made any attempts to move from their current position, where Jared was pressing himself into Evan's chest.    
 

"Are you feeling depressed? Because either your or Connor is and I'm concerned." 

   
"It's Connor." Evan took a few seconds to register what happened. "Shit." 

   
"What can we do, Ev?" 

   
"The only way I can think of is to physically be there with him." 

   
"No offense but how the fuck are we going to that?"   
   
"I don't know." Jared thought for a minute, then ended up falling back asleep with Evan.  

   
Back in rehab, Connor was still awake, staring at the ceiling numbly. He could feel that Evan and Jared were fine, that they were happy, that they together. "What wouldn't I give to be with them?" Connor wondered aloud, not realizing that there was no one there. Another thought popped into his head. _They don't need you._  "No." _It's true, Connor. You can feel how happy they are._ Connor moved from his bed to the floor. What wasn't wrong with him?" 

 

The next morning, Connor told the receptionist that he didn't need his phone anymore. He was glad that it was Sunday, which meant Jared and Evan couldn't visit him. Not that he expected them to, he felt how happy they were last night. They were fine without him. They didn't care.  

 

Over the next few days, Connor didn’t do much. He sat in his room doing nothing for most of the time, excusing himself to read about Ezra's life every once in a while. It was dull, and it reminded him of how things were before Evan, except this time he didn't exactly have the internet to distract himself from his thoughts. No one had visited for a good week too, and that didn't exactly help his situation. Eventually, Connor's thoughts took a turn for the worse. 

 

 _You have sheets that aren't_ _attached to the bed. It shouldn't be that hard to rip it half, then make a noose._ "No, not again. I'm getting better. Eva-" _If he thinks you're getting better, why hasn't he visited? Or Jared, for that matter?_ "They've probably been busy, with school" _It's thanksgiving break, Connor. You know that. You just don't want to acknowledge that your soulmates don't like you._ The boy just sat there, numbed by his own thoughts. _You abandoned them, too. You haven't checked your email in almost a week. It's no fucking wonder they hate you._


	10. its the last one yo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oKay so this is the last chapter in this one but im making a sequel . i spend three days writing this and i finally finsihed at 5 am today so sorry for the spelling mistakes and that shit

"I-I'm sorry, what?" Jared woke up to Evan talking on the phone with someone, but this time it was actually Evan's phone, so he faked sleeping. Because Evan would apologize profusely if he thought that he woke Jared up. So Jared watched Evan pale through half closed eyes, beginning to get more concerned by the minute. He could feel that something was wrong, he could only feel dread. Something was missing. Connor. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't feel what Connor was feeling. Fuck, this was bad.

"JARED! WE'RE LEAVING RIGHT NOW. I'LL EXPLAIN IN THE CAR, JUST DRIVE US TO THE HOSPITAL." Jared only hummed in response, pulling himself out of his bed to put some pants on.

It took half an hour in total for the pair to arrive at the hospital. They walked into the waiting room, Jared almost crumbling onto Evan's shoulder, where Evan gently guided Jared into a chair next to a sobbing Zoe. She leaned over and started talking to Evan.

"Why is Jared here?"

"It's a long story. We can tell you when Jared's not sobbing enough to fill a bathtub. I'm assuming Larry and Cynthia aren't here?"

"Yeah, they didn't show." Zoe let out another sob. "It-It's just that he was supposed to be getting better, Evan! He wasn't supposed to end up here, again. Not again. Never again." She began crying into the shoulder that wasn't occupied by Jared. Evan held the two of them, letting his own tears fall, but remaining strong. For them, and Connor.

"Family of Mr. Connor Murphy?" That jolted Evan, Jared, and Zoe from their respective sob sessions and back into reality. "He's waking up." The three of them calmly walked into his room, the situation giving Evan major deja vu.

When they arrived, Connor was staring blankly at the wall ahead of him, doing nothing. Jared was the first to approach Connor, hugging him. Connor didn't hug back.

"Connor. I am sorry. I am so, so sorry. I-" Connor shoved Jared off of him.

"Shut the fuck up, Klienman. We never really had a relationship." Evan cut in. "Connor-" "You too, Hansen. Fuck out of here before I have to get someone to kick you out." Evan grabbed Jared's arm and led the two of them out of the room, leaving Zoe in the doorway.

"You know, Connor, you really shouldn't be rude to your soulmate." Connor reverted back to his emotionless state. "Mom and Dad couldn't make it. It's that work bullshit again. And fighting." Zoe sat in one of the chairs by Connor's bed. "You missed a lot while you were in rehab. I got my soulmate tattoo. Still haven't figured out who it is. They're probably in your grade. You wouldn't happen to know anyone with a birthday on November 18th?" Zoe let out a little chuckle. "I forgive you. I should've pushed harder to get you into therapy. You did some pretty fucked up shit, not gonna lie, but I want to fix this. I want to not be a million worlds apart. It's obvious that we have problems at home that neither of us are oblivious to, but we can help each other. Next time Larry and Cynthia get in a fight, let's just leave. Go get some ice cream. Dick around in Target. Maybe?" Zoe had tears in her eyes now, as did Connor.

"Soulmates."

"What?"

"Soulmates. Plural. As I have two."

"Is Jared-" "Yes." Zoe chuckled, the first time Connor had made he laugh in what felt like decades. "I was shocked too. You missed a lot while I was in rehab, too. Hey, um, do you mind if I take a look at your tattoo?" Zoe pulled her shirt down just enough to expose her collarbone, which had a little kite flying towards her windpipe. "It's small. And cute. See, mine takes up my entire fucking ankle." He pulled the blankets back so she could see it, and she moved his foot a little bit so she could see it fully. "Bro, you're right. That's fucking huge. And there are three of you walking around with that?" Connor laughed too, which made Zoe smile more, because it had been so long since she had heard her brother's genuine laugh.

"I missed you."

"I missed you too. Sorry for being such a shit brother. Anyways, wanna go get some shitty food from the caf?"

"Yeah." Connor dragged himself out of bed, put on some pants, then walked to the elevator with Zoe.

"Aren't you supposed to have a nurse with you?"

"Fuck the government."

"Okay." The rest of the ride was silent, but it was a comfortable silence.

Connor found a table in the corner while Zoe went to get them some edible food, where he saw something that he didn't exactly want to see. It was Jared and Evan, talking in hushed tones, with no food. It didn't take common sense to figure out that they were talking about him. He was going to go talk to them and try not to lose his temper, but before he could get up, Zoe sat back down with what could only be described as 'a fuck ton of pudding.'

"Are you up for a pudding eating contest?"

"Why the fuck not?"

What Evan didn't expect to see in the cafeteria was Connor, much less Connor laughing and eating pudding with Zoe. He had eaten an impressive amount of pudding, too. Almost ten cups. So he nudged Jared and pointed in Connor's direction, where Jared gasped.

"Holy fuck! That's a lot of pudding. I'm guessing that there was an eating contest, which he won. I'm so proud to call him my soulmate."

"Jared."

"What, is it that wrong to be proud of your soulmate?"

"He's laughing."

"No shit, Evan."

"Jared, this means he's happy. And he's repaired at least some of his relationship with Zoe. Last time we were here, he told me how much he wanted her to forgive him. Now I'm guessing she has. This is fucking amazing!"

"We should go over there. Tell him tha-" "Not really an option, Jared. Zoe's dragging Connor over here now." Jared turned around to see Zoe moving across the cafeteria with Connor in tow. It took her a while to reach their table, but she did.

"Evan. Jared. Connor needs to talk with you guys but he doesn't want to, so I'm forcing him to. We can do this here, or in his room." Jared looked at Evan, who responded to Zoe with "Let's go to his room." Zoe glanced at her brother. "You guys should probably take the stairs."

Once Jared and Evan left, Connor half snapped. "Zoe, what the fuck."

"Connor, it'll be good for you. I know you're mad at them, but you need to face your feelings at some point. Rip it off like a bandaid, y'now?"

"Fine. But I can't promise that I won't puke pudding on any of you." Zoe smiled.

"It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make."

Unfortunately for Connor and Zoe, a nurse was waiting for them in Connor's room.

"Mr. Murphy, I'm afraid you weren't cleared to leave your room, much less without a nurse."

"That's true, but consider this: suck my ass. I didn't try to kill myself again. I’m fine. I may have eaten too much pudding, but other than that, I'm a-fucking-okay." Connor sat back on his bed, ignoring the nurse's lecture about irresponsibility. Finally, Evan and a winded Jared appeared in his line of vision.

"There you are, you sweet fucks. Come on in, I've already heard this lecture a million times before." The nurse gave up and left, pushing past Jared and Evan who were awkwardly standing in the doorway.

"So, um, Connor, about earlier,-"

"I'm was a dick, but I'm sorry. I had just woken up, and I was pissed as fuck." Jared sat down on the foot of Connor's bed. Meanwhile, Zoe pulled Evan out into the hallway, whispering "Let them have their moment. It's best to do this one at a time. Let's just hope Jared doesn't piss him off. I'd hate to have Connor get mad at his soulmates again." Evan blushed a little bit.

Back in the room, Jared and Connor weren't really talking. They were just existing, but together. After what seemed like decades, Connor broke their silence.

"I'm sorry for saying we don't have a relationship."

"It's true, though. I got stoned and you got drunk together one night. That's the most we've talked without insulting each other since first grade, probably." Connor blinked slowly. "We can, though. We can build a relationship. We both have relationships with Evan, but not each other. And that's important, since we're soulmates. We can make this work, Connor."

"I know, Jared. But I'm still so fucking sorry. I-" Jared cut Connor off with a kiss. There was more passion flowing from Jared's lips than Evan's. Where Evan's kisses were soft and gentle, reassuring love, Jared's were full of fire and demanding. The kisses slowly became more passionate, then Jared was straddling Connor, Connor's tongue slipped into Jared's mouth, then they realized what they were doing.

"Jared. We are not having sex in the hospital. Not when I'm gonna have to talk about my feelings the minute Evan walks in. Also I wouldn't exactly like to do this with my sister outside the door?"

"Then we can continue this later." Jared winked at Connor.

"Get off my dick before Evan walks in."

"What's the magic word?"

"You're such a little shit."

"My tongue was in your mouth less than five minutes ago."

"Do you want Evan to walk in and see you sitting on my dick?"

"Do you want your sister to walk in and see me on your dick?"

"Not my preferred way to spend my afternoon, but she's seen a little worse." Connor winked back at Jared.

"Damn, Murphy, what kind of sick shit are you into?"

"I'll tell you when we pick up where we left off."

"Smooth. I’m tempted to start again now, but that can wait until you're not hooked up to an IV."

"In that case, then I have an incentive to get discharged as fast as possible. Now get off my dick because I want to talk to Evan." Jared gave Connor one last wink, then left and sent Evan in.

"Hey, Ev." Connor gave Evan a weak smile. Evan dragged a chair to Connor's bedside and sat down.

"Why, Connor?" Tears pricked in the corners of Evan's eyes. "Why?"

"Evan, I-. I just, I don't know."

"Was it not enough that Jared and I spent the entire day with you on Saturday? You were supposed to be getting better, Connor. We were supposed to be getting better!"

"I know that Evan, and I'm sorry." Evan collapsed onto Connor's chest, who wrapped his arms around the other boy. Evan began repeating things along the lines of "You were supposed to be getting better" and "It's my fault," all while sobbing on Connor. He responded by hugging Evan tighter and making soothing sounds.

"Ev, babe, it's all fine. I'm okay. As long as I don't go back, I'm gonna be okay."

"Can I just stay here? I-I'm gonna need to shift a little bit, but can I?"

"Yeah." Evan moved so he was laying mostly on Connor, and he began cradling Evan in his arms again. They sat in silence like that for a good fifteen minutes.

"Con, could you maybe sing something?"

"Depends. What are you in the mood for?"

"Sad, but not too sad. One of your favorites." Slowly, Connor began to sing.

" _On and on, reckless abandon_ "

Evan's tears began to dry on his cheeks.

" _Something's wrong, this is gonna shock them_ "

Connor rested his head on top of Evan's.

" _Nothing to hold on to_ "

Evan wiped the tears off of Connor's face and his.

" _We'll use this song to lead you on_ "

Connor pressed a kiss onto Evan's forehead.

"Hey Connor?"

"Yeah?" Evan pressed a kiss onto Connor's lips.

" _I learned a lot today_ "

Seven days later, Connor was discharged. Cynthia and Larry had agreed not to send him back to rehab, and Cynthia had convinced Larry to not only file a lawsuit against the facility, but also to get Connor into the therapy he needed.

" _Not sure if I'll get laid_ "

Jared, Evan, and Connor were spending the night at Jared's house one night over Christmas Break. They had gone on a few dates with all three of them, and countless dates with just two of them. It was hard, but they were making it work.

" _Not sure if I'll fail or pass_ "

"Dude. Were finals as much as a bitch for you as they were for me?"

"Connor. You know me, I didn't study at all. I only pretended to study while Evan actually studied."

"Maybe, if you don't want them to be a bitch, we could all study together."

"Finals are bull. I don't care if I fail or pass, as long as I'm with you two assholes I'm happy."

"You're the bullshit, Murphy. You definitely got more than a 90." Their conversations dissolved into a healthy mix of laughter and giggling.

" _Kissed every girl in class_ "

Admittedly, there was some making out at the sleepover. And the usual alcohol and drugs.

"Come on Jared, so you had one bad experience with weed. I was there. Just try it again. It gets easier."

"Breaking news: local innocent tree boy gets stoned one time and tries to peer pressure local meme fucker into doing the marijuana"

"Doing the marijuana, Connor? Aren't you the stoner of our little group?"

"And Evan's supposed to be in innocent one, but he's stoned."

"God I love you assholes."

" _Everybody would waste it all_ "  
Jared stared at his sleeping soulmates. He had been an ass, but they all had flaws. Evan tended to overthink things, and Connor lashed out and could act without thinking. But, somehow, they could fight past all of it. He had been pretty damn fortunate, too. He had watched Evan become more relaxed, Connor less reckless, and he himself more caring.

" _To have a summer they could call_ "

Evan stared at his sleeping soulmates, thinking not about the past, but the present. He wanted to stay forever in that moment, in between Connor and Jared. He wanted to feel their warmth continually. Evan may have been touch starved before, but not anymore.

" _Memory that's full of fun_ "

Connor stared down at his sleeping soulmates, the ones who he had almost left three times. Evan had stopped him the first time unknowingly, then he and Jared had called an ambulance the second time, and then been the first faces he saw while waking up for the third time. But the past was all behind them, that didn't scare Connor. But the future did. Connor was fucking terrified of what would happen to them in them in the future. They were already halfway through their senior year, but what would come during college? It would be a miracle if they did go to colleges in the same state, much less the same college. He didn't want to have to go through what he went through in rehab, not again. Jared and Evan made him promise that he would never attempt again.

" _Fucked up, when it's all done_ "

This wouldn't be the end of them. Not yet. They would fight, both with each other and other people, sometimes the world, but they would survive. They may be outcasts, castaways, losers, freaks, whatever people want to call them, but they're happy. There were five more months together at the minimum, at least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the song is reckless abandon by blink 182 if any of you were wondering
> 
> my tumblr is @moldymilk

**Author's Note:**

> check out my tumblr @moldymilk


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